Love. ‘Nuff said.

 

Ask 100 people to define love and each will have a different take on the meaning. To me, love is accepting and respectibm2ng the other for who they are. Be it your parents, your siblings, your spouse, or your friends — love is respect for and acceptance of you.

Leave out your parents, siblings and friends. The love you have for them and what they have for you is not expected to include sparks and butterflies. Whereas, it is quite common to look for ‘magic’ (for lack of a better term) in a relationship with your significant other. The romance, the tingling feeling in your gut when she looks at you, the way he makes you smile even in his absence; I can go on about this type of love. But does it last? Everyone who is or has been in a relationship already knows that it does not for long. If you are (or were) in a meaningful relationship, this phase of love dissipates and another phase begins: one of commitment. This is when you get to know the person for who he/she really is. This is when you realize the character compatibility.

Even after passing through the initial stages of infatuation, many relationships fail due to lack of compatibility. But is anyone to blame for a failed relationship? Unless infidelity or unfaithfulness is involved, who is at fault for ending a relationship due to lack of similarity, understanding, or  the feeling of ‘just does not feel right’? True, feelings are at stake, and you are expected to be considerate of the other person with whom you spent time together. But would you rather lie to yourself and your partner to spare his/her feelings, or call it quits and deal with the temporary bitterness?

I agree we are supposed to work on our relationships before tossing them aside. Work the indifferences, compromise, trust, and respect each other. But even after all that if the relationship does not seem to work out, why settle for something that makes you unhappy? It will be a different scenario altogether, and a more complicated one, when it comes to working out a marriage. Maybe, if you work out your relationships before marriage, it will not end badly. This, of course, is a large assumption of one’s character. I have never been married so I cannot say for certain what happens behind the scenes in a marriage.

However, there is another side to consider. Is it possible that we fall in love, get to know the person well, and commit to him/her to later fall out of love? Could the reason for unhappy, non-committal relationships be our own insatiability, and not the character of the other? We are raised in a dynamic world, where nothing stays permanent. So, is it unnatural for our feelings to change too? Something to think about.

That said, I am hopeful that despite the impermanence in our lives, we will find a type of love that stays stable over time. Until then…

Keep an open mind. Accept everything with a grain of salt, even this post 🙂

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What next?

A year ago I graduated university. I was lucky and got a job right away in the same field I had my degree. Some of you may think, “Well, that is not really luck. It is expected of you to get a job in the field you study in.” But in all reality, it is not that easy. I did get lucky. The job was literally handed over to me; I did not even have to apply. Sorry if I sound like I am bragging, but I want to express my humble gratitude to the universe for making things work for me. Don’t worry. I won’t go on and on about my lucky stars. Just an insight into my life, and possibly many others’ lives.

I am happy. I like my job. I like the people I work with. I like the pay. I like everything about the job. But I don’t love it. I am not head over heels in love with it. I don’t wake up every morning with a smile on my face because I am going to work.

And I think I know why: it’s because I have been in school all my life, aiming to complete things – graduating high school, ending a stressful semester, and obviously graduating university! I have worked around a schedule to achieve something every year. But now that I am working, I do not have a goal to achieve. Of course, personal development is an achievement by itself but it does not come with a piece of paper to say you put your blood, sweat and tears for four years to move on to the next step. It sounds shallow, but what’s the purpose of a marathon without a finish line? I will work, and work, and work everyday! But for what? When do I break off the white ribbon? What do I get in return?

“Why are you whining? Do something about it!” you might say. First off, that’s very judgy of you! But you have a good point. Many of us whine about the present, and hope for better things in the future. And I am guilty as charged; I do the same. This is not the first time I have wanted more things in my life than I already have. Even after achieving the desired things in the future, we want better things. In a nutshell, we are never truly, madly, deeply happy for an extended period of time. Why? ‘Cause we want more, and more, and even more, all the time! Not entirely because we are greedy. But because we need a finish line every now and then. Achieving things everyday keeps us moving forward. We are greedy in the sense to accomplish, no matter how small an accomplishment it is. And it is not a bad thing. In my opinion, it is not a bad idea to have consistent goals for the future to sometimes avoid the mundane daily life. But it also takes away from the essence of living the moment. We fail to appreciate the simple things, and be grateful for what we have.

But life is a constant battle of balancing everything. And I sincerely hope both you and I find this balance, if you are at all in the same battlefield as I am. Until then…

 

Keep an open mind. Accept everything with a grain of salt, even this post 🙂